Firstly my apologies for not blogging in what feels like forever, I’m still trying to feel confident enough about pressing “post” and think that what I’m writing isn’t complete rubbish. I doubt I’ll ever feel 100% confident in what I’m writing but I have started to feel writing is quite cathartic. So anyway here is my latest post below and fingers crossed they’ll come more regularly in 2015!!!
OK guys you know the drill- drunk and full of fatty delicious party food on New Year’s Eve you slur to your friends all the things you MUST do (and not do) in the impending New Year (my apologies to Adrian, Rachel and Victoria for this Year’s slurring!). You find an inspirational quote, put it on Facebook/Instagram and any other social networking site you can think of, friends “like” the post and agree they need to do the same. You throw yourself gung ho into your gym regime, healthy eating, keeping a diary, cleaning your house once a week, learning French etc and congratulate yourself for being so bloody brilliant. By the 31st January you have missed a weeks’ worth of cleaning, gym, juicing, learning French and feel truly rubbish and a complete failure, Oh well you say and go back to the way you were feeling let down but stuffing your face full of takeaways , chocolate and too much caffeine regardless- or is that just me?!?
So if I were to buy into the New Year’s resolution obsession mine would be- exercise more, eat healthily, have more time to myself, get cross with the kids less, have a date night with my husband once a month, get a cleaner, have a better work life balance and make more of an effort to keep in contact with old friends. So it’s a long list of must do’s I know but since having kids and hitting 30 I’ve been ill more times than I care to think. It’s been a few years of chest infections, developing asthma, tonsillitis (at one point 8 times in one year), migraines and depression. Seeing pictures of my toned and seemingly healthy younger self has made me feel even worse about my current weight and health. My depression can mean some days I think I can take on the world so I join the gym or buy a health book and do really well for a fortnight before I go downhill again and have a week or so of panic attacks and feeling like I can’t leave the house apart from school runs. New Years resolutions for a depression/anxiety sufferer can be like kryptonite to Superman- draining and damaging. I want to make them but the fear of not completing the task can be just too great.
I’ve been thinking lots about New Years Resolutions and if I should or shouldn’t make them. I guess what people don’t take into account is for instance with a resolution like keeping in touch with old friends it has to be reciprocated, if they’re not interested in keeping in touch then you’ve already set yourself up for failure. So being realistic has to be part of your New Year plan. If you contact that friend and they don’t seem too bothered you can’t beat yourself up about breaking a resolution. Or date night once a month with your husband- well mine often works an 80 hour week. He’s so exhausted when he’s home he wants a cup of tea and a movie night, plus my parents already help me out loads with childcare whilst I’m at work- asking them at the weekends seems a bit too much. I’ve already set myself up for a fall there. So instead I could say a special night once a month- whether it be a lovely home cooked meal where we eat at the table together, a night at the cinema with friends. It’s not a failure that we didn’t get a posh night out together on our own but a positive we spent any time together!!!
OK so I’m blethering but I think what I’m trying to say is whilst I will have every intention of keeping to my New Years resolutions, I also have to give myself a break as life can sometimes get in the way. So if I don’t make it to the gym 3 times a week but only once then I shouldn’t see this as a negative but a positive I even made it there once.
If I were to pick one resolution that is really important to me it would be to get fit and healthy. I was inspired after seeing a pic of Katie from Mummydaddyme on Instagram. She looks so fabulous after a year of exercise and healthy eating. I always looked at these before and after pics and think they’re selling us something (call me a cynic!) as they are usually linked to some powder or new book about to be launched! Hers is fabulous and I hope in a Year’s time I can do the same before and after picture and feel like I have accomplished something.
However I also think being kinder to ourselves should be part of the resolution. We are already under enough pressure nowadays. With the cost of living being so high a huge proportion of Mums (me included) need to go back to work full time to provide for their families. Magazines tell us we can do everything and I think that is unfair- you cannot do everything it is simply impossible! You cannot be a full time Mum AND work full time, be a sex goddess in the bedroom and keep an immaculate house, host dinner parties every weekend and get up early to take the kids to all of their activities and parties! Something has got to give and it’s the immense pressure women are under these days to be perfect (and it’s often sadly from one another not the males of our species!) that I think contributes to why depression is on the rise. With the expectations put on Women nowadays it is easy to understand why more and more of us feel we’re just not good enough.
So after all of my blethering what is the point I’m trying to make? Well OK here is my resolution this year- be kinder to myself. By this I mean that whilst I always want to go to the gym, home cook every meal, spend more time with family and friends etc if I don’t get to tick all of these boxes then I’m not going to hate myself for it. Every time I even manage one of these I’m going to pat myself on the back and say well done Jen- you work full time, have a young family and a husband that (feels like) is rarely at home, if you manage to put one load of washing on a day on top of working full time and taking care of the kids you’ve done well.
So here’s to you 2015 and all of those small achievements it will bring (although a rocking hot bod would be brilliant too!!!)